stuck

Ross and I are over. We broke up on valentine's day. That's all I am going to say about that.

I hate my job, I can't help it, but I do. Its so boring, and they aren't utilizing me they way they could. Im just not going anywhere and I hate it. How am I suppose to get out of here when I feel so stuck?

I want something new, I need something new. I am craving to get out of here and start something new, I really don't care where anymore. I just want and need out. I need to experience something, change my surroundings and find out who I am.

Drowning

I need a vacation. away from everyone. I am working two jobs, dealing with Ross (yes we are still together), trying to save for school, and trying to keep my chin up when all I can feel is myself drowning.

Keep Going On

I keep going and trying to make things better between Ross and I, but it's not working. Things aren't changing, they are staying exactly the same. I just WISH I could go back to Brian, then maybe everything would be less difficult. I mean we were happy, things were going so well and he just changed. I think I am going to go visit him, probably on the 26th. Just to see where he is in life, how the last 6 months have treaed him. I know they have been crap for me, I am just hoping they have been just as bad for him and we can work things out together. Then maybe I would be happy again.

I think I am about to lose it

Ross is really starting to get to me, he tells me he loves me~but he is acting strange again. I just don't understand it. I want to go to photography school, I'm willing to post-pone it for him, and he's just acting like he doesn't want to go anymore. I can't find what happend. No idea.

Also, I've been thinking about Bri more again. What if I am making the wrong choice? Maybe I should call Bri and see where he's at. Part of me wants to drive out there and just see my friend again. I really miss my friend. That's the hardest thing about it, and I can't do anything about it.

I am willing to take any suggestions offered. I don't know what to do. I want to go to photography school, and I want to be with Ross, I think. I just don't know anymore. Maybe I should be on my own for a while... I haven't done that for more than three months in two years or so. UG, I hate this. I just want things to be normal again, and I want ross to stop being such a jerk face about my life~either he wants to be with me or he doesn't. He needs to make up his own damn mind.

I need some divine guidence.

life.

the corporate world is eating me alive.

but on the upside, I just had a great show.

holy crap

I got into photogrpahy school......one of the best the in the country.

photography school

so I think I am going to get into the photography school. Mom, Dad, and I drove up Friday; I had my interview on Saturday, and we drove back Sunday. It was good. The place is REALLY nice. I think I have a really good shot of getting in, now I just have to figure out how to afford it... Any suggestions?

Happy

FUCK! My post just got deleted. UG. And it was a good one too....


I have a new job. I am no longer at the other two. I am a receptionist for a printing company and its nice. Good people. I get to have a steady paycheck AND medical benefits. That is great. I'm just glad I have something steady.


I have a boyfriend. He's amazing. A chef. He's 5 years older than me, and he has a direction in his life. I am truely happy. He treats me amazingly. One of my professors in college said "Never date a man younger than 27. Before he reaches that age he doesn't realize what an idiot he is. After 27, he realizes what an idiot he is." Boy, is my professor a smart man.

About grad school. I have found my school. Its in Mass. I have an interview on Saturday. It's a photography school. I really can't perform anymore, and that's ok, but I can still be involved in the arts. Mom put the idea into my head. So that's the avenue I want to go down. The best part, my boyfriend said he wants to go with me.....

my life is getting better everyday.

Job No. 2

So I officially have two jobs. One at the bar, and one at panera. Now I can really start to save my money. That makes me feel better. Then I can go to grad school, get out of here and away from the memories of Brian. I see him EVERYWHERE. I can't take this anymore. Part of me just wants to cry. But at least I have two jobs.

Work, computer

So I haven't had my computer for a few days. My hard drive died. I hate that. I lost all sorts of stuff. I'm just glad I had a few CD of my files in backup.

My first week at the first job is going pretty well. I like the people and the money isn't too bad as a server. HOPEFULLY my boss will eventually turn my into a bartender. THAT'S where all the money is.

I miss Brian, I miss him a lot. I couldn't sleep at all last night, and I just wrote him another letter. I think I am up to 11 letters now. I really just need to get over him. The question is how?