Keep Going On

I keep going and trying to make things better between Ross and I, but it's not working. Things aren't changing, they are staying exactly the same. I just WISH I could go back to Brian, then maybe everything would be less difficult. I mean we were happy, things were going so well and he just changed. I think I am going to go visit him, probably on the 26th. Just to see where he is in life, how the last 6 months have treaed him. I know they have been crap for me, I am just hoping they have been just as bad for him and we can work things out together. Then maybe I would be happy again.

I think I am about to lose it

Ross is really starting to get to me, he tells me he loves me~but he is acting strange again. I just don't understand it. I want to go to photography school, I'm willing to post-pone it for him, and he's just acting like he doesn't want to go anymore. I can't find what happend. No idea.

Also, I've been thinking about Bri more again. What if I am making the wrong choice? Maybe I should call Bri and see where he's at. Part of me wants to drive out there and just see my friend again. I really miss my friend. That's the hardest thing about it, and I can't do anything about it.

I am willing to take any suggestions offered. I don't know what to do. I want to go to photography school, and I want to be with Ross, I think. I just don't know anymore. Maybe I should be on my own for a while... I haven't done that for more than three months in two years or so. UG, I hate this. I just want things to be normal again, and I want ross to stop being such a jerk face about my life~either he wants to be with me or he doesn't. He needs to make up his own damn mind.

I need some divine guidence.