High Fidelity

Some quotes that seem to sum everything up right now:

ROB: Top five things I miss about Laura. One; sense of humor. Very dry, but it can also be warm and forgiving. And she's got one of the best all time laughs in the history of all time laughs, she laughs with her entire body. Two; she's got character. Or at least she had character before the Ian nightmare. She's loyal and honest, and she doesn't even take it out on people when she's having a bad day. That's character. Three; I miss her smell, and the way she tastes. It's a mystery of human chemistry and I don't understand it, some people, as far as their senses are concerned, just feel like home. I really dig how she walks around. It's like she doesn't care how she looks or what she projects and it's not that she doesn't care it's just, she's not affected I guess, and that gives her grace. And five; she does this thing in bed when she can't get to sleep, she kinda half moans and then rubs her feet together an equal number of times... it just kills me. Believe me, I mean, I could do a top five things about her that drive me crazy but it's just your garden variety women you know, schizo stuff and that's the kind of thing that got me here.

I want someone to miss me that much.

ROB: I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and... I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that's suicide. By tiny, tiny increments.

I have done this SO many times.


I guess one highlight is I have a date this weekend. Doubt anything will come of it, but I guess I can try....

4 MONTHS

our 4 month anniversay was on the 25th.
i have an audition today.
and all I want to do is cry.

depressed

to start on a happy note, I had an audition yesterday, and it went really well. I mightend up moving.

today I have been a wreck. I don't know what it is, but i just hurt. It feels like there is a hole in the middle of my chest. I just want to drive out and see him. I've been trying to think of excuses to go out and see him, but I have none. I just dont know what to do. Maybe I should talk to someone about it, but who? I just want my best friend back. I've said it before, and I don't know how I am going to recover from this one.

I'm so lonely. Most of my friends have a signifigant other, and whenever we go out I am always the "third or fifth wheel." I just want to cry.

he called

he called today. not good. he said he was going to pay a doctor's bill for me, because that's what he said he would do. he doesn't love me anymore, i don't think. it's official~i died inside today.

I'm

I'm bored...
lonely...
tired...
scared...
sad...
sick...
hurt...
and so much more.

one month

it's been a month since I talked to him, since he broke my heart. It doesn't feel any better, and I wish it did. I can't talk to him, write him, or see him so I don't know how he is doing. I have been running around auditioning trying to keep my mind off of him, but it's just not working. It's like no matter what I do, it revolves around him. WHY DO I LOVE HIM STILL?

I just wish I could stop. But I can't. Sometimes you can't stop loving someone even if you had to let them go.

no way

he disconnected his phone. I don't know what to do.